Light colored clothing for strolling the streets of Metro Orlando is de rigueur, definitely in fashion and absolutely a must to wear this spring.
As well as making a fashion statement, wearing light colored clothing is a practical, defensive, proactive move. When you are crossing the street and are hit and killed some tranquil evening or rainy, dark day, the newspaper article describing this shocking event will not be able to say, “she was wearing dark clothing”. Such a report is tantamount to saying, “she was so very dumb and mostly to blame for not wearing the latest, hot colors and standing out like a mating cockatoo”. It’s not everywhere that wearing the wrong clothing can get you killed, or at least be able to be used as an excuse for killing you. But wearing dark clothing on the streets of Metro Orlando will give a murderous driver the time-honored excuse: “I didn’t see her, she was wearing dark clothing and darted in front of me”. This excuse is almost always excepted unless the driver is weaving noticeably and smells like the inside of the neighborhood pub. If the driver is let off, your heirs will have a very tough time of it collecting anything from the motorist’s insurance company. And after all, you do want the little life you just gave up to count for something to those you leave behind, don’t you?
The same goes for where you walk. Using a marked pedestrian crosswalk for your promenade instead of crossing the street any old place you feel like is definitely recommended. Not only does it provide that ramp-like experience, if you’re hit and thrown 50 feet or so and land on your head and another SUV runs over you and drags you 100 feet further down the street, you want all that final sacrifice to have meaning. However, if the whole sordid affair happens without benefit of a crosswalk, the newspaper will report “she was not in a crosswalk and failed to yield to the vehicle”. And that means, “Solly Cholly, no monee”. Of course by the time you are hit, thrown and dragged it might be difficult to determine just where you were crossing the street. So another tip is, make sure there is an audience around to watch your stroll and testify you were launched from a crosswalk. You do want someone watching you strut your stuff.
Well that’s the pedestrian fashion advice for the day. Hope you enjoy walking the streets of Metro Orlando and don’t become a casualty, at least not without some recourse for your next of kin. What did you say? Make the streets safer? Punish drivers for killing pedestrians? Oh dahling, that would take all the sport out of it, and cost real money besides. Now wouldn’t it?